I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize