I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
