Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
