dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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