Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
