Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize