'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
