my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
