I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
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