I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
