i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
