CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
dude. I can hear the air.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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