one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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