I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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