I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
