I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
