Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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