Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
