i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize