I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
