I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just had sex bonerless
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Is it penis luge time yet?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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