I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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