tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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