so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
