I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
