is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
