And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
