So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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