Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
