I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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