My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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