Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
