garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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