Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
