Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
