Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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