So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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