Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize