I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
