I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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