chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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