she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
