is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Even the bartender felt bad for me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
