as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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