Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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