Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
