Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
