Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
