When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
