but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
it's like iHOP with fire
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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