Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
