ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
