If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
