Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
