Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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