420 ftw
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
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