Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
