I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
