Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
