Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
