there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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