Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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