the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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