oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
im holly from the hills drunk
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
