Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
