Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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