i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
