Are we in a gay sports bar?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
