do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
