Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
