Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize