I feel great
I just peed on a car
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
