Define "chronic" masturbator.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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