in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
