who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
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