Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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