so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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