It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
