i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
