I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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