I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
