i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
