Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
