Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
