tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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