Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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