apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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