I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
