Do you still have your period?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
