alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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