I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
