i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
