Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
