My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize